Talk:BDSM FAQ

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Revision as of 01:14, 14 March 2014 by Admin (Talk | contribs)

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I think this page needs to be broken into pieces somehow. It's getting far too long and far too difficult to navigate. Also, some of it is horribly leaning towards one specific role when the topic regards multiple roles, i.e. 51 How come no one respects that I'm a Master/slave/other role? talking about being respected as a Master and nothing about being respected as a slave or (insert x role here).


Sorting Things Onto Pages

Some of these questions really should belong on pages about the things they're asking about. List time! Feel free to edit

For example, under BDSM (as a page on its own):

  • What does BDSM Stand for?
  • This BDSM stuff sounds interesting, what is good starting advice?
  • Is BDSM abuse? How could someone possibly like getting hit with things and not be insane?
  • Is BDSM illegal?
  • I'm all about getting kinky in the bedroom, but some of this stuff people do is just plain disgusting and/or crazy. How can people possibly like that extreme stuff? It all just seems so sick to me.

Relationships and BDSM

  • I have kids, how can my partner and I possibly do this stuff?/I want to have kids one day, I don't think I can get into this stuff.
  • Do dominants really love and care for their submissives?
  • What if BDSM ruins my relationship with my significant other?
  • How can I make my boyfriend/girlfriend into my dom/sub?
  • Is it really cheating if...?


Under Consent:

  • Is it really a consent violation just to touch someone's hand/hair/etc.?
  • My bottom didn't negotiate sex with me before the scene because that was kind of an uncomfortable topic, but when we started playing we had this amazing connection... Is it OK to have sex with them? That's what they are really there for anyway, right?
  • I saw someone not following best practices concerning BDSM like I read in all the books and now I'm freaking out and hyperventilating into a bag; what should I do?

Under Negotiations (could go hand in hand with consent, or separate pages)

  • How do I negotiate a scene?
  • My bottom didn't negotiate sex with me before the scene because that was kind of an uncomfortable topic, but when we started playing we had this amazing connection... Is it OK to have sex with them? That's what they are really there for anyway, right?
  • I have something I'm having trouble telling my Dom, what should I do?
  • Do I have to have sex with someone in order to play with them?

Checking in on this, yes the page was locked due to some vandalism. It's not locked to admin status, just those with confirmed accounts (did you respond to the email confirmation?). The notion of splitting it into pages is likely in the works because it's a huge mess that is still being initially authored, but even with breaking it down keeping the question itself posted to the FAQ for easy nav to the section. I'm thinking many pages are going to end up with a Best Practices area, even disciplines, such as mentioning most fire play experts suggest starting with 70% iso... point being a lot of this can and should be reworded, probably through several edits, and if you have an edit to suggest, consider dropping it right here or in the fet group if you think it's big enough that others should have a crack at tearing it up before it gets posted. As far as structuring data, there is a quasi-plan, but it is a wiki, so things change and evolve over time, hopefully for the better.

--Admin (talk) 12:40, 10 March 2014 (UTC)

page's POV

Needs to be consistant, seek to remove idiom, bias and opinion when possible, not to remove best practices. --Admin (talk) 01:14, 14 March 2014 (UTC)


Blacklists

I also edited the bigger groups to include warnings regarding events. I DO wish for more citations regarding consent violations in the kink community and I would like to eventually make a blacklist of events that have known, backed up sources on abuse and consent violations not being dealt with, but for now, I'm stressing warnings about doing vetting and being smart about meeting people and such. These sections now read more smoothly, as well. Sabryna (talk)

blacklists and allegations are not only territories I don't think we should be travelling into, but in many cases is illegal (libel, slander, liability). Stick to giving good advice on what to do, not what not to do. What you can do is if there is a criminal conviction you can link to it on the page for that event as a source. Further, I'm not victim blaming here, but lets remember that allegations do not necessarily = fault. In many cases consent can be given and then retracted after the time, some people live for drama, as a result, only closed convictions listed and in a news reporter dispassionate style of writing, and further, it needs to be stressed that an event and an individual are not the same. One person causing a consent violation at a 1000 person venue doesn't mean the venue is patently unsafe and I won't allow that we should present such an image. Yes we want to protect victims, but I won't go making new victims based on allegations, that is not reasonable. This wiki should never represent a creeperpedia, again because that's illegal, and because it's very much not part of the intent of the wiki. Also, please remember to keep edits to appear academic in phrasing, we want to pull out opinion, idiom and bias whenever possible save for best practices and criticisms sections.--Admin (talk) 22:08, 13 March 2014 (UTC)
Exactly. See, Sabryna, the most important thing is to uphold image of the Respectability of the Scene in general. 'No matter what cost. Don't let these drama-stirring consent-withdrawing "victims" hurt our bottom line! What a bunch of complainers. One person in a thousand isn't bad! At all! That's like slipping in the shower, or like, climbing Mount Everest or something. Besides, how many people could that one person possibly play with at a weekend event? Five? That's just five people getting raped and their rapes being covered up by the old boys network. Okay, this is pretty abstract. To be more detailed, I, for one, would not want any new person in the scene to know what happened at Grove Lane Studio. I'd rather that dungeon's business thrive, even if some people's bones need to be broken every now and then. Because the important thing is that business thrive, and the Leather Community maintain its Veneer of Integrity. Besides, I think victims are lying. 67.248.213.169 22:29, 13 March 2014 (UTC)
By the way, regarding the legal question, see http://maybemaimed.com/2013/10/13/whats-the-legal-deal-with-defamation-and-the-predator-alert-tool-for-facebook/ . 23:10, 13 March 2014 (UTC)
Or this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Section_230_of_the_Communications_Decency_Act which guarantees immunity: 'provides immunity from liability for providers and users of an "interactive computer service" who publish information provided by others:' -- not that you care, I realize that. And you'll probably just delete these comments anyway, since you disagree with them. :) But in case you don't, I hope other people see this and realize that the libel thing is just bullshit. It's more about protecting rapists. 23:52, 13 March 2014 (UTC)


I appreciate your research and it has cause me to readjust the policy regarding real world persons. This is not to protect predators, as a matter of fact you can still link a news article about consent violations in regard to an event for the purposes of education in the criticisms section of the event, but I'm not wanting to deal with publishing information that can be potentially libel... while it's not libel if it's true, it is libel if it's untrue, and I'm not about to spend all day playing investator. This is not a sex offender database, nor will it be. FYI, please note the policy update in the wikihelp about real world persons. --Admin (talk) 00:47, 14 March 2014 (UTC)