Coming Out

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Some people who feel attracted by the situations usually compiled under the term BDSM reach a point where they decide to make their participation in BDSM public knowledge, also known as coming out of the closet, though many keep their activities a secret from the public, also known as being closeted.

It has been estimated 5 to 25 percent of the US-American population show affinity to the subject, though very few have come out to identify themselves as public knowledge of one's BDSM lifestyle can have devastating vocational and social effects (Persona non grata). As such, forcibly removing someone from the closet without their consent, even through negligence is considered an egregious assault on privacy and is often grounds for being blacklisted from a particular BDSM Community.

Increased public educational advertising and resources and avoiding coverage by sensationalist media may assist in less volatile reactions from the public when someone does decide to come out of the closet in the future, however, sexual rights and liberties of those who participate in BDSM are likely to have many benchmarks to reach before they can integrate into society without fear that their private activities becoming known will have negative consequences.

Operation Spanner in the UK proves that BDSM practitioners still run the risk of being stigmatized as criminals. In 2003, the media coverage of Jack McGeorge showed that simply participating and working in BDSM support groups poses risks to one's job, even in countries where no law restricts it. In the case of Operation Spanner a clear difference concerning stigma can be seen to the situations of being outed as a homosexual. The psychological strain appearing in some individual cases is normally neither articulated nor acknowledged in public. Nevertheless it leads to a difficult psychological situation in which the person concerned can be exposed to high levels of emotional stress.

The Process of Coming Out

In the stages of "self awareness", he or she realizes their desires related to BDSM scenarios and/or decides to be open for such. Some authors call this internal coming-out. Two separate surveys on this topic independently came to the conclusion that 58 percent and 67 percent of the sample respectively, had realized their disposition before their 19th birthday. Other surveys on this topic show comparable results. Independent of age, coming-out can potentially result in a difficult life crisis, sometimes leading to thoughts or acts of suicide.

Resources

BDSM support networks are just starting to develop in most countries.

  • The internet is the prime contact point for BDSM support groups today, allowing for local and international networking.
  • In the US Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) a privately funded, non-profit service provides the community with referrals to psychotherapeutic, medical, and legal professionals who are knowledgeable about and sensitive to the BDSM, fetish, and leather community.
  • In the US and the UK, the Woodhull Freedom Foundation & Federation, National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) and Sexual Freedom Coalition (SFC) have emerged to represent some interests of the BDSM community.
  • The German Bundesvereinigung Sadomasochismus e.V. is committed to the same aim of providing information and driving press relations. In 1996 the website and mailing list Datenschlag went online in German and English providing the largest bibliography, as well as one of the most extensive historical collections of sources related to BDSM.

Best Practices

Coming out can be a wonderful step to help support the BDSM community and liberate yourself, however, because of the criminal stigma and lack of public education, coming out may have many unforeseen and long lasting consequences. Be sure to consider a potential coming out carefully and to have a very strong and enduring support network in place before you decide if this is the right step for you at this time as some lasting effects may not harm only you, but can have a direct impact on your loved ones and associates. If you aren't absolutely sure about whether or not to come out, consider speaking with some who have come out and also some who were forced out and see what you can learn from their experiences in order to best prepare yourself for what might come.